Its one thing popping the question to the love of your life, but its quite another announcing the happy news to the immediate family. I would presume that most couples would want the world and his brother to know once theyve made a commitment to one another, but engagement announcements are not always happy news to happy ears.

My Mother tolerated my girlfriend but I know she was polite and courteous for my sake. My father on the other hand couldnt stand the girl and he made no secret about that. In fact, whenever she walked into a room that he was in, hed get up and walk out. If she said hello, as she always did, hed grunt something under his breath and burry his head in a newspaper as he blindly negotiated his way around any furniture towards to nearest exit. Never in my life had I seen my parents so anti anyone but for some reason, they decided they didnt like Alice from the outset, and as far as they were concerned that was that. Their minds were firmly made up.

Well, I loved Alice with every bone in my body, and to hell with their views and old fashioned ideas of what a good girl was supposed to be. Having said that, you can imagine how awkward it was for me the day we decided to get engaged. Engagement announcements should be happy occasions, but I would sooner have eaten a glass sandwich than break my happy news to them back home. We even read a book entitled Awkward Engagement Announcements Made Easy. Ha! None of it helped with my folks.

I felt so sorry for Alice as none of us could recall her doing anything that could have deliberately antagonized either of my patents. Back when we first started courting, I remember my father muttering something about how woman should allow men to be men and concentrate on being woman as god intended them to be. He never said another word after that, so we can only try to guess what his objections were. Maybe he didnt like the fact that she smoked cigars, or perhaps it was the big evil eagle tattooed across her upper back that he objected to. Then again, it could have been that she used to drink cans of beer straight out of the tin and belch after every mouthful? The bottom line is that no one knew what they were thinking. I also tried to explain to my Mum that its normal nowadays for girls to curse and swear during informal conversation, but once again, no response. We couldnt resolve the issues because we never knew what they were

Anyhow, knowing that most peoples Engagement Announcements are joyous events that spontaneously burst into a mini parties made up of nearby well wishers did very little to comfort us in our dilemma. Engagement Announcements should not be feared or dreaded, but in our case that was exactly how it was. It was something to overcome knowing full well the receivers of such happy news were not about to be bowled over with delight with this particular announcement.

There was only one way to break the news and that was with hard faces, and a determination to get the folks to listen no matter what. We set the day when we knew they would be sitting in front of the TV for the evening and marched into the lounge in a semi militant style.

The first job was to block the exit so my father couldnt do his usual stampede for the door the moment we walked in. So, in we went holding hands like naughty teenagers. We closed the door behind us and pressed our backs firmly against it. Without further ado, I cleared my throat and announced our engagement. Mum, Dad, we have some happy news and wed like you to both to be the first to know. Alice and I are engaged to be married. Thats it, wed done it. Mums jaw dropped and stayed that was as if shed just frozen in time. Dad stood up, his eyes vacant, his head trembling. He snatched his newspaper off of the coffee table and barged his way past us, almost ripping the door off its hinges as he did so. He then raised his fist in the air and yelled at the top of his lungs, OVER MY DEAD BODY. Sadly, he collapsed right there and then and died of a massive heart attack. Mum hasnt spoken to me since that day.

12 months on and Alice and I are getting divorced. She became a truck driver and pratically lives on the roads around Europe. During our short marriage, she became a fowl mouthed arrogant, chain smoking alcoholic husband-basher and life with her developed into a living hell. Its not possible to undo whats already been done but sometimes I think there are certain engagement announcements that should never get announced.